Honoring the Good, Revised

*With appreciation to the reader who gave feedback that the previous version of this piece sounded like we should still honor abusers as long as we mention their harm.

If we think objectively, there are many good things my father has done. He has given lots of money to charitable organizations. He has volunteered for his shul, for his community, for organizations. He is a loving brother and a caring cousin. He is a world traveler and a friend. He is also a child rapist. But (sarcasm) that shouldn't get in the way of mentioning all of the good things he does. 

I'm writing this today in the wake of the Rabbi Druckman story. Following Rabbi Druckman's recent death in Israel, some have written articles or Facebook posts about how he enabled and supported multiple abusers. While many people have applauded these pieces, there are others who are critical. They say that we should be able to honor him even as we talk about what he did wrong. Still others are just honoring him without any mention of what was done wrong, such as an Israeli event honoring both Druckman and Carlebach.

If an abuser or enabler of abuse has done good things, why should we not honor those aspects of them? There are many reasons, but here are several. Because sometimes those good things were a facade to hide the bad. Because sometimes the good things were in service to the horrific things. Because the truth should matter to us. Because in honoring abusers and enablers we also honor abuse.

It feels so obvious that we shouldn't honor abusers or enablers, yet I know I'm not going to be able to sway those who downplay or doubt the veracity of abuse allegations. I’m not going to be able to convince those who don’t understand the severity of harm caused by abuse. Sadly, we live in a community and a world where some believe that the good that is done can somehow counteract the harm. It cannot.

A Jewish community that honors abusers and enablers is not honorable. There is no amount of good that can counteract the harm. When we honor the good that a abuser or enabler has done, we also honor abuse. It’s time to stop honoring the good.